you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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