If that was your dad, he is hot
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
my poor anus
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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