i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
