dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
All the doctor said was why
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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