what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Drunk is not a location!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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