things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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