So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
It's rum buckets o'clock
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
