I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
