this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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