Me too!
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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