Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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