I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
