why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
