No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
