I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
