Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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