don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
