she woke up with a sticky ear
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
