That reminds me...we need to get swords
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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