Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
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