Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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