I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
