You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
