Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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