I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
