I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
