Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
