i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
