sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
