Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
They have beer where we have blood.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
