When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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