I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
