Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Randomize
