Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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