we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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