I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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