Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
