We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
