my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
