At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
