Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
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