But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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