Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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