I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Who wears a wallet chain?!
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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