Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
