...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
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