My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
