I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
