I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
