I just cut my nipple shaving
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
