its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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