I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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