You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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