I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
