meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
