Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
