I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
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