Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
