if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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