somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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