He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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