Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
