If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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