i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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