my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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