When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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