Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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