I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
