Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
