Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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