Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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